Nocturnal News Update | May 1st
Monthly writing challenge, Ask Jeffrey, and Epoch of Erasure
Welcome back, Night Owls. I’ve been busy—mostly cleaning up cosmic messes—but I’ve returned with updates. Three, in fact.
The Main Event: Epoch of Erasure, Chapter 3.
May Writing Challenge
You spoke, the Void listened. Your writing challenge for this month is as follows:
Theme: Obsession
Genre: Psychological thriller
Setting: …A seemingly innocuous forest.
If you’ve forgotten how this works (or just want to re-read the rules in a state of mild panic), you can find the full details [HERE].
To sum it up:
Length: Under 2500 words
Voice: First-person, second, third—anything except the Narrator’s own
Must include: This month’s chosen theme, genre, and setting
Type: Poetry, short story, lyrical prose, any kind of fiction.
Deadline: Midnight on the 14th of the month.
If you’re excited, inspired, motivated, or utterly defeated by this revelation, let the Void know in the comments.
Ask Jeffrey Updates
Since launching his first column, Jeffrey has received a… troubling number of submissions. Naturally, answering your questions has become one of his favorite hobbies.
I have a Void Demon friend too, would you like me to arrange a play-date?
Absolutely not. I do not "play" and I do not "date." I especially do not do both at once.
Other Void demons find me insufferable—but they’re loud, unlicensed, and chronically allergic to Void safety protocols.
Having granted Jeffrey leave, very curious what he does on holiday? Where does he go? How much does he pack? Did he take enough snacks?!
I appreciate the concern, human. I have packed with me:
17 jars of screaming honey
A thermos of liquefied nostalgia
One (1) shriveled dream from a failed playwright
And a boiled owl, for emergencies
As for where I spend my time, I go off-grid. That is, off your grid.
I relax by haunting abandoned train stations in collapsed timelines and heckling politicians until they cry.
Jeffrey, what historical figures were not as human as they seemed to be?
The files were sealed, triple-locked, and buried beneath a forgotten cellar in the Vatican—but for you, I’ve reviewed the Restricted List (Tier 3). Here are the need-to-knows:
Tupac: Celestial being. His last known location has been classified.
Kendrick Lamar: Confirmed deity. Worship is technically prohibited under Concord Code—but everyone’s doing it anyway. Including the other deities.
Mr. Rogers: War criminal in seven dimensions.
Taylor Swift: Her songs are emotionally binding hexes. Harmless if played backwards under salt circle conditions.
Elon Musk: Lizardfolk diplomat on extended Earth assignment. Broke containment in 2016. Refuses recall. We've sent thirty-seven memos.
Cleopatra: Reincarnated as beauty influencer. She’s on TikTok. You follow her.
Keanu Reeves: Immortal, but polite about it. Reports all timeline breaches. A personal favorite.
Barack Obama: Received full Concord briefing in 2009. Declined godhood. Queried, "Have you seen my three-pointer?”
Upon follow-up, clarified: “Call me if anything needs saving. Otherwise—appreciate the offer, but ball is life.”
Did you smite the tattoo artist who thought he could mess with a Void Demon and used your lower back for a tramp stamp that says “Void: Insufficient Funds?” I think he, like you was reincarnated, named Herve.
I confided this to you in confidence. But yes.
Unfortunately, mortal tattoo removal is costly. Fortunately, I am not mortal. I removed the tattoo myself using a jagged relic.
Problem solved—and I saved $1,200 USD.
Have a question for Jeffrey? Submit an anonymous question with the button below.
Legal Void Stuff
Jeffrey is a fictional Void entity. Please do not summon, worship, or take legal advice from him. All references to public figures are satirical and part of a clearly fictional narrative. No actual demons were consulted, and no dimensionally unstable documents were harmed during the making of this newsletter. Please don’t sue us, Elon.
Now, on to the Main Event…
Epoch of Erasure [CH. 3]: The Book.
That’s all for this evening! Be sure you’re subscribed to stay up to date on all things happening in the Void.
Thank you!