Nocturnal Draft [1]: After Dark | Italy

The Unfinished First Draft

Good evening Night Owls. Welcome.

¹If you’ve been staying up to date, welcome back. I’ve brought a gift: Nocturnal Draft Google Doc.

Is it intimidating, knowing you all will basically be inside my head? Yes.
Am I anxious about this? Also yes.

But, hey, if anything, we’ll all learn some valuable lessons. I hope.

But if you’re reading this post for the first time, it has not been finished—but yes, it is published. There’s a reason for that, which you can find by clicking the link below or continue scrolling and read my brief explanation.

To give you the gist, AI is everywhere. Yes, many of us writers can tell when something is human written—but just the sheer numbers, the overwhelming amount of AI product on Substack alone has made it feel…empty, in a way.

So now you’re getting access to the human mess.

If you don’t mind the story being spoiled, and prefer an inside look at the messy, human writing process, this will be your new favorite section.

After Dark was originally designed to be shorter and more bite sized. Less in your face jump-scare, and more intimate horror. For that reason, I don’t do much drafting for these, I typically write them start-finish in the Substack editor.

You could say that I like to live life on the edge.

You will lose your work at some point. BACK UP YOUR STUFF. USE GOOGLE DOCS.

Here’s what you can expect:
I will write and do all of my edits here in this post—notes, commentary, brain dumping.
I will leave the post up. Forever. Maybe.
Edits made after the original posting will include footnotes with a time and date stamp.²
Edits made after the original posting will have a footnote. First footnote of the day will have the date and time, subsequent will have time also have the date and the time because footnotes are in final order, not order that you add them.
This is a MESS at the moment, but that’s the point, right? Cool.³
I will copy the finished post, and publish that one officially, while this one will live under Nocturnal Drafts.

So sit back, relax, and do your absolute best to follow along with the first draft—or just skim for proof of life, I won’t judge.

Photo by Finn Hackshaw on Unsplash

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INTRO: My intros are either mysterious and a little seductive in the way that it pulls readers OR I lean into absurdist humor. This one will rely on that more ‘mysterious’ tone.

Something like: Recently I was reminded of my time in Italy…

⁴Have you ever had a conversation with someone that, by the end, pulls you s deep into a memory that you struggle to find your way out? I did recently, actually—I was reminded of my time in Italy. The art, the history, the amazing cappuccinos. Fun fact: I’m fairly certain that, in Italy, ordering a cappuccino after 10am is akin to one of the seven deadly sins. The more you know.

Casual small talk tends to put readers in a more relaxed state, makes the quiet horror land harder. You ground them in the realistic + maybe a little bit of humor, keep them on their toes: The art, the history, the amazing cappuccino (that is practically a sin to drink after 10am). I have so many amazing stories and photos from my time there—

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⁵

Pictures that I took while living in Italy

Then rip them from this moment of peace, aggressively and abruptly. Teach them not to get comfortable.

—but this evening, I’m pulled to tell you the memory that haunts me.

⁶But this evening, I’ll be telling about the memory that haunts me. You’re welcome.

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Beats

• Setting the scene | Grounding Readers in the Mundane and Familiar: Evening in Italy.

  • The evenings in Italy were my favorite. It got fairly hot and Italians don’t believe in air conditioning, so I had grown accustom to opening the shudders at night and letting the breeze cool the house.

• Details Specific to that Night + A Sensory Anchor: I was alone, the house was silent, save for whispers from the breeze itself. Something like that.

  • I don’t remember falling asleep that night. If I’m honest with myself, I don’t believe that I ever made the decision to let myself drift.

• The Loss of Control Moment: If I think about it for too long, I start to wonder—if I didn’t…who did? So I try not to.

  • Plants seeds of doubt for the reader.

• Opening of the Dream Itself—blending familiar with uncanny:

  • I woke in a dream. I was standing on a balcony outside, similar to the one that I had on the second floor of my house, except it was inside a church.

• Guide the Reader, Slowly:

  • When I looked down below, I saw a funeral. Nuns, their faces obscured by robes.

• Sharp Turn to Horror: The closer that I looked, I finally realized—it was my funeral.

• The “that wasn’t even the horror” Moment: There was a moment of shock and then I felt it—yes, felt it. The warm breath of a whisper on my neck.

  • Now, in dreams, sensory details are often distorted because they’re made up by your brain. This was not.

• Confrontation/Climax: “You’re not supposed to see this”

• Moment of Aftermath or Realization

  • What’s changed? Is it resolved, or left open-ended. The true story behind this one was never resolved, therefore the reader won’t get resolution. (sorry guys)

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Until the next draft,

—The Narrator.

(I copy and paste all of my links at the bottom from one post to the new ones, makes it super easy!)

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[WHERE TF AM I?]

1. 5-22 | 11:39

2. 5-19 15:54 I’ve been racking my brain on this one tbh lol For longform posts—Olivia, 7 Series, etc—my plan is to post my original outline/draft and then place a Google Docs link at the bottom so that you all can actually watch the updates in REAL TIME! How cool is that?!

It could actually be terrible, we will find out—but we’ll find out together.

3. 19-16:20

4. 19-16:02

5. 19-16:06

6. 19-16:07