How To Survive Horror Movie Night In The Void
First Choice: Choose Your Character
Ah, you’ve made it—and on Friday the 13th, no less! Congratulations. You successfully navigated the first Void hazard: Basic Literacy and/or Blind Luck.
Statistically speaking, you are now 0.73% more likely to survive the night.
We round up here. It’s good for morale.
Wait—
Where’s your guide?
…
What do you mean “what guide?”—the one from the welcome post, silly demon.
Don’t worry. I had a feeling this would happen. That’s why we’re here.
First, let’s get the basics out of the way:
Make sure you’re subscribed to Nocturnal Narrator so you receive survival updates. (And ominous warnings. And possibly last rites.)
Actually read the guidebook. Seriously. It’s not decorative.
Check in on the Horror Thread in Subscriber Chat to confirm you’re still alive. The Void requires an updated headcount. Limbs optional.
Wait for the fun to begin. (Or start writing your will. Dealer’s choice.)
You are here ↑
The Void | Survival Mode
Here is your first assignment. This will determine your entire fate for the evening…
Below is a comprehensive list of horror movie archetypes, broken down into Protagonists (victims), and Antagonists (baddies)—with all the classic clichés we love (or dread). Pick your character!
Narrator Note: Guy, dude, bro, girl, and bestie—these are all gender neutral in the Void. These archetypes are all intentional clichés. Lean into it.
Protagonists
The Final Girl
Signature Traits: Smart, resourceful, and apparently allergic to sex. She’s the last one standing, but only after being emotionally demolished and absolutely soaked in blood (rarely her own).
Hobbies include: dramatic screaming, Olympic-level tripping, and making everyone wonder why she didn’t leave ages ago.
The Jock
Signature Traits: Muscles for days, brain cells on sabbatical. He’s convinced he can bench-press the killer and absolutely gives it a try.
Spoiler: it never works.
His motto is “Bro, I got this!”—right before a machete spike to his end zone.
The Popular Girl
Signature Traits: Social media queen. Cares more about her follower count than the blood-curdling shriek from the bushes. Will absolutely stop to take a selfie mid-chase and complain about the lighting. Trips in heels, breaks a nail, screams like a dying car alarm.
Survival time: exactly as long as her latest TikTok.
The Stoner
Signature Traits: Wanders in a haze of smoke and philosophical confusion. Genuinely mistakes the killer for a “bad vibe, man.”
The universe has a twisted fondness for this one—somehow, he’s often the last to die, or stumbles into survival through cosmic dumb luck. Will 100% offer the killer a joint.
The Nerd
Signature Traits: Has memorized every cryptid, legend, and horror flick. Somehow, all this knowledge only ensures their demise is educational for the rest of the group.
Will yell “Don’t go in there!”… and then go in there.
The killer treats them like the tutorial boss fight.
The Rebel
Signature Traits: Leather jacket, cigarette, unshakable nihilism. Way too cool to care, and thus makes every possible wrong decision—like choosing to explore the creepy basement.
Will probably tell the killer to “go to hell,”—gets there first.
The Skeptic
Signature Traits: Master of denial. Ghosts? Demons? Chainsaw-wielding maniacs? All just urban legends.
Even when facing the killer, they’ll mutter something about “hormonal teenagers pulling pranks.” Skepticism dies hard—literally.
The Comic Relief
Signature Traits: Thinks they’re hilarious, and the audience agrees… until the punchline becomes their last words.
Spends their final moments cracking jokes about being “cut” from the cast. Everyone laughs—except the killer.
The Best Friend
Signature Traits: Loyal, lovable, and usually first on the chopping block. Exists to be cute, supportive, and tragically expendable.
Will promise, “We’ll get through this together!” then immediately abandons the group (via death or otherwise). Their untimely demise gives the protagonist just enough trauma to get to the next act.
The Hero
Signature Traits: The self-appointed savior who declares, “I’ll handle this!” right before failing, spectacularly and publicly. Whether their death is noble or accidental, it’s a fleeting moment of glory before a splattery exit.
They get the eulogy; the audience gets more popcorn.
The Authority Figure
Signature Traits: The cop, sheriff, or responsible adult who’s supposed to have answers, but never does.
Dismisses every threat with, “There’s no such thing as monsters,” immediately before being monstered.
Their badge is about as effective as a wet napkin.
Antagonists
The Serial Killer
Signature Traits: Masked, unstoppable, and wielding a weapon that’s either wildly impractical or disturbingly specific (seriously, who forges a machete that size?).
Motivated by revenge, trauma, or the world’s worst boredom, they stalk at a leisurely pace—no need to run when your victims trip over every available root, rug, or existential crisis.
The Demon
Signature Traits: Ancient, malevolent, and absolutely over your nonsense. Possession? Child’s play. They torment, corrupt, and escalate the stakes just because they can.
Forget your salt lines and clumsy exorcisms—this entity treats holy water like setting spray and finds The Lord’s Prayer hilarious. Spoiler: you’re not walking out with your soul.
The Ghost/Poltergeist
Signature Traits: Furniture-flinging, light-flickering, mirror-haunting nuisance with a tragic backstory and a flair for drama. Expect whispered threats from the closet, jump scares in the bathroom mirror, and a deeply unhealthy relationship with your family photo album.
Loves an audience, hates being ignored.
The Monster
Signature Traits: Werewolf, vampire, zombie, or fresh Lovecraftian abomination—take your pick. They’re driven by one thing: hunger, whether it’s for flesh, blood, or attention.
Zombies groan and shuffle, vampires brood and flirt, werewolves howl at the moon—and all are deeply committed to ruining your night.
The Possessed Person
Signature Traits: Yesterday’s innocent neighbor, today’s supernatural murder machine. Whiplash mood swings, guttural growls, and unsettling flexibility. Theatrical favorites include levitation, speaking in tongues, and that classic 180-degree head turn. Doll possession sold separately.
The Politician Cult Leader
Signature Traits: Charisma dialed to eleven, wardrobe straight from the midnight ritual section. Armed with cryptic sermons, a well-coordinated choir of robed followers, and a winning smile that says, “You’re not getting out alive.”
Can turn a bake sale into a blood rite in three easy steps.
The Evil Child
Signature Traits: Pint-sized and petrifying. Delivers soul-chilling giggles, sings off-key lullabies, and doodles future crime scenes in crayon. If you spot the tricycle or catch them talking to the wall, run.
Parental advisory: no refunds without receipt.
The Shape-Shifter
Signature Traits: Master of identity theft—which is not a joke, Jim. Today, your best friend; tomorrow, a toothy monstrosity.
Specializes in gaslighting, body horror, and making you doubt literally everyone. The ultimate “guess who?” party game.
The Entity
Signature Traits: For when “monster” is too tangible. Invisible, unstoppable, and governed by no rules you understand. You can run, hide, move continents—doesn’t matter. Its motivation is unknowable, its methods unfair, and its interest in you very, very personal.
The Mad Scientist
Signature Traits: Lives in a laboratory that’s just one lightning strike from collapsing. Obsessive, reckless, and convinced they’re misunderstood. Unleashes unspeakable horrors (mutants, robots, reanimated corpses) and is always shocked when it goes sideways.
Motto: “For science!”—followed by cackling and mayhem.
The Ancient Curse
Signature Traits: Not a villain, a fate. Bound to that creepy artifact you knew you shouldn’t touch, or maybe just your family tree. Delivers visions, hauntings, and escalating “bad luck” until you regret your ancestors. There’s only one way out, and it’s not a happy ending.
There you have it. Make your decision, and declare your role in the comments!
And next time, don’t forget to bring your dang guide! (which can be downloaded HERE.)
Until the next choice,
—The Narrator.
born to be the ancient curse, forced to be the nerd
The enlightenment hippie witch that just wants to talk to all the ghosts. So, The Stoner is me too! Woo!