EEEEEP. This!!!!! I looooove writers who are willing to go into the deep end and see what happens when you come up for air. Great writing (and fantasy) is the result here! Also, Olivia is just a badass name.
Very nice work. The clinical detachment creates a sense of unease that permeates every moment. I get strong Dexter vibes. Olivia's analytics make her choices logically convincing, but a reader is reasonably put on edge by the unspoken question: "What if she's wrong?"
That's awesome! Knowing Dexter is a comp, I can see the influence in the best way. What's the hardest part about writing a character that operates in such a moral gray area?
For a lot of writers the toughest part is detaching themselves from a character who can’t be neatly boxed as hero or villain, without feeling the need to justify them. That can kind of lead to cliches. If your characters tragic backstory justifies everything, the tragic backstory doesn’t matter anymore because it’s not a story, it’s an excuse.
That doesn’t trip me up much. I’m a researcher to my core, so I’ve become very comfortable studying and narrating human behavior without an emotional attachment.
Because of that, the real challenge for me is less about wrestling with the character and more about keeping readers balanced—drawing them close enough to empathize without letting them off the hook or pushing them to pick a side.
Oh my god this is fantastic. The writing flows so smoothly and it manages to be highly educational, crisp and darkly funny at the same time. Her experiences on the “date” are all too familiar - the thinly veiled manosphere rhetoric, him talking most of the time. Great work - off to bookmark the next chapter!
Thanks. I feel like our "styles" align, so i gave you a chance. Looks like you are really taking chances here, and I'm stealing your idea of putting links to your next chapter on there.
Loved this first chapter and looking forward to reading the rest! Others have already pointed out the Dexterish feel, which I assume you were going for.
I do have one suggestion, thought. Flip the opening around. Lead with the "Gregory" scene, and then go into the explanation. It might hit harder and grab the reader even more that way.
This is such a wonderful suggestion! So, the posts are my “drafts.” The official manuscript is different—more content, reordered scenes, etc. And your suggestion is actually almost identical to the suggestion my editor made! You’ve got a real eye for reader experience! And thank you so much for your kind words. 🥹🖤
Ahhh, finally catching up on some fiction I've been meaning to read over here!
I haven't read Dexter but I feel like this is like Dexter if he was trying to dismantle patriarchy 😁
This also reminds me of a character named Tari I have in a series I meant to start (in collaboration with a band), but the band called it quits so I never started to write it. It was about a vigilante killer. I feel like she and Olivia would have fun in a crossover together 😏
Okay, I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance to start this, but now that I have, I’m not sure I can stop. Obsessed. I LOVE the use of the statistics! I LOVE the analytical nature of the narrative. It’s so so similar to how most women do the mental calculations during their interactions with men, but without all the ingrained behavior and the emotions we experience while doing so getting involved. I love this. Sending to my best friend now because holy shit, she’s going to devour this story.
Can’t wait for the gore… please tell me there’s gore.
Oh my gosh, thank you. 😭 This means the absolute WORLD to me. Especially the part about how most women do the mental math. The stress of EVERY interaction with a man is something I wanted to show vs tell. We can tell people all day how exhausting it is to be a woman--this was my way of showing them.
Oh wow! Okay, I will start by saying I normally don’t read dark fiction and avoid violence. But I heard a lot about Olivia in my short Substack life, so here I am, and OMG, I am so happy I gave this a shot.
The writing is incredible, really. It catches your attention in the first paragraph. And Olivia is so honest. I love her personality, and all the statistics bring so much detail! This is pure talent, my friend! Second chapter here I go :)
Oh my gosh, thank you so much 😭 This means the world to me. I am still so surprised (and happy… and honored) every time someone compliments this series. Thank you again. 🥹
Alright, yup. Gonna be binging this one today. The other series I have bookmarked are going to have to wait. I love this. Your voiceover is stellar. All these comments hit the nail dead center.
Oh dang I can tell I’m gonna be obsessed with this series
I loved this line especially “Men fantasize about violence. You should, at minimum, fantasize escape.” It’s just aggressive and blunt truth in a way that puts a little lump in your chest because you wish it wasn’t.
Thank you so much! 🥹 I love how much love Olivia is getting. I am working on polishing the official manuscript, I can’t wait for everyone to get to read it. It’s somehow even better. 😭
I can’t tell you how much your support, and kind words mean to me. Thank you again. 🖤
EEEEEP. This!!!!! I looooove writers who are willing to go into the deep end and see what happens when you come up for air. Great writing (and fantasy) is the result here! Also, Olivia is just a badass name.
Very nice work. The clinical detachment creates a sense of unease that permeates every moment. I get strong Dexter vibes. Olivia's analytics make her choices logically convincing, but a reader is reasonably put on edge by the unspoken question: "What if she's wrong?"
Thank you so much! Dexter is actually one of my comps. I really appreciate this comment. 🥹🖤
That's awesome! Knowing Dexter is a comp, I can see the influence in the best way. What's the hardest part about writing a character that operates in such a moral gray area?
This is an amazing question!
For a lot of writers the toughest part is detaching themselves from a character who can’t be neatly boxed as hero or villain, without feeling the need to justify them. That can kind of lead to cliches. If your characters tragic backstory justifies everything, the tragic backstory doesn’t matter anymore because it’s not a story, it’s an excuse.
That doesn’t trip me up much. I’m a researcher to my core, so I’ve become very comfortable studying and narrating human behavior without an emotional attachment.
Because of that, the real challenge for me is less about wrestling with the character and more about keeping readers balanced—drawing them close enough to empathize without letting them off the hook or pushing them to pick a side.
This is great! I had no idea what I was getting into when I started but I'm here for it!
I’m so glad that you like it! Thank you so much. 🥹
Let’s definitely discuss this!
This made my evening—thank you! So excited you enjoyed it! I’d love to discuss whenever you’re ready.
Absolute brilliance. SO well thought out. One million kudos to you.
Me getting a recommend from the Nikki archives for Olivia chapter 1?
Oh my god this is fantastic. The writing flows so smoothly and it manages to be highly educational, crisp and darkly funny at the same time. Her experiences on the “date” are all too familiar - the thinly veiled manosphere rhetoric, him talking most of the time. Great work - off to bookmark the next chapter!
Oh my gosh, thank you so much!! I’m so happy that you enjoyed it. 🥲🖤
Your writing has a strong aire of honesty to it. I dig your style.
Oh wow, thank you so much for this! 🥹 Made my whole day.
Thanks. I feel like our "styles" align, so i gave you a chance. Looks like you are really taking chances here, and I'm stealing your idea of putting links to your next chapter on there.
Well I can't wait to read some of your stuff! I've saved some of your posts to read this weekend. 🖤 Thank you again!
I loved this. I admire your confidence and really need a role model who gets it, so please keep being cool! I trust your vibe.
Wow, thank you so much! I am beyond honored. Seriously, this means so much to me. 🥲 Made my whole day.
🥰 I look forward to reading more!
Loved this first chapter and looking forward to reading the rest! Others have already pointed out the Dexterish feel, which I assume you were going for.
I do have one suggestion, thought. Flip the opening around. Lead with the "Gregory" scene, and then go into the explanation. It might hit harder and grab the reader even more that way.
This is such a wonderful suggestion! So, the posts are my “drafts.” The official manuscript is different—more content, reordered scenes, etc. And your suggestion is actually almost identical to the suggestion my editor made! You’ve got a real eye for reader experience! And thank you so much for your kind words. 🥹🖤
Glad I could make a useful suggestion! And heading on to Chapter 2!
Ahhh, finally catching up on some fiction I've been meaning to read over here!
I haven't read Dexter but I feel like this is like Dexter if he was trying to dismantle patriarchy 😁
This also reminds me of a character named Tari I have in a series I meant to start (in collaboration with a band), but the band called it quits so I never started to write it. It was about a vigilante killer. I feel like she and Olivia would have fun in a crossover together 😏
Do I smell a collab? 👀
🤩🤩🤩
The pace, the clear-cut sentences, the analytics instead of emotions. This is so golden.
Oh 🥲 thank you so much. I’m going to go cry now.
Okay, I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance to start this, but now that I have, I’m not sure I can stop. Obsessed. I LOVE the use of the statistics! I LOVE the analytical nature of the narrative. It’s so so similar to how most women do the mental calculations during their interactions with men, but without all the ingrained behavior and the emotions we experience while doing so getting involved. I love this. Sending to my best friend now because holy shit, she’s going to devour this story.
Can’t wait for the gore… please tell me there’s gore.
Oh my gosh, thank you. 😭 This means the absolute WORLD to me. Especially the part about how most women do the mental math. The stress of EVERY interaction with a man is something I wanted to show vs tell. We can tell people all day how exhausting it is to be a woman--this was my way of showing them.
Thank you so much. 🖤
And yes to gore!
You have done an amazing job. I’m looking forward to reading the rest!
Oh wow! Okay, I will start by saying I normally don’t read dark fiction and avoid violence. But I heard a lot about Olivia in my short Substack life, so here I am, and OMG, I am so happy I gave this a shot.
The writing is incredible, really. It catches your attention in the first paragraph. And Olivia is so honest. I love her personality, and all the statistics bring so much detail! This is pure talent, my friend! Second chapter here I go :)
Oh my gosh, thank you so much 😭 This means the world to me. I am still so surprised (and happy… and honored) every time someone compliments this series. Thank you again. 🥹
Alright, yup. Gonna be binging this one today. The other series I have bookmarked are going to have to wait. I love this. Your voiceover is stellar. All these comments hit the nail dead center.
Oh dang I can tell I’m gonna be obsessed with this series
I loved this line especially “Men fantasize about violence. You should, at minimum, fantasize escape.” It’s just aggressive and blunt truth in a way that puts a little lump in your chest because you wish it wasn’t.
Thank you so much! 🥹 I love how much love Olivia is getting. I am working on polishing the official manuscript, I can’t wait for everyone to get to read it. It’s somehow even better. 😭
I can’t tell you how much your support, and kind words mean to me. Thank you again. 🖤