Nocturnal News: Substack's Most Cursed Newsletter*
*It's fine. I'm fine. Nothing cursed happening over here
Welcome back, Night Owls, to the best Dark and Satirical Fiction Substack publication on this side of the Void. **
The algorithm blinked. The numbers twitched. Something shifted—and now we’re visible. This week’s update comes with major developments from your favorite source of interactive dark fiction, morally questionable narrative choices, and one entirely accidental descent into SEO hell.
We’ve breached Substack’s Rising leaderboard for fiction (currently #25!), crossed the 450–subscriber mark, and—yes, fine—I shared a handful of cursed visibility tips. Not because I’m becoming a “guide” girl. Absolutely not. That’s how you wake up writing Medium listicles.
This is still a fiction-first publication. The guide incident was a one-time* anomaly. A summoning born of spite, caffeine, and Google’s refusal to explain itself.
The Void is louder. You all are spiraling. And next week’s poll may decide the fate of a god.
Table of Contents:
*Two times. Shhhhhh. Don’t tell Bradley (the FBI guy in your phone).
** This is the only Substack publication that posts from inside the Void (other than Jeffrey).
Substacks Rising in Fiction is Cursed
We’ve broken containment—Substack’s Rising leaderboard, #25 in Fiction.
They know we’re here now. They’re watching.
As much as I’d love to take the credit, I suspect this has less to do with my writing and more to do with whatever Jeffrey has been whispering into the Substack dev team’s REM cycles.
Or maybe it’s the fiction. Could be your loyalty. Could be the summoning Jeffrey performed using an old Roomba, half a sigil, and a LinkedIn Premium trial.
Whatever it was... we’re not touching it. It’s safer that way.
Jeffrey Note: “Not even I understand the Substack Leaderboard system.”
Over 450 Mortals on the Night Shift (?!)
That’s not a cult following—it’s an eldritch quorum. We’ll need to expand the Void, reinforce the psychic perimeter, and probably stock up on snacks.
450 souls is more than enough to spark a minor uprising... or accidentally summon something we're not ready to name. But you’re here now. The circle is drawn. The name has been spoken. There's no turning back.
But you can bring a friend. Highly recommend.
To honor the milestone—and the ranking—I am offering a brief window of initiation. This offer disappears next week. Or sooner, if Bradley deletes the button (again). Get 25% off forever below.
Epoch of Erasure Part 2
In Part 1, The Stain of Envy, you Void demons chose to Chase the God.
Bold.
Unwise? Possibly. But safety is no longer on the table.
Part 2 arrives Wednesday—and yes, there will be consequences.
I watched the votes pour in with something between reverence and dread.
Next week, the story bends to your will. We all live with what you've done.
If you haven’t been following along, delayed entry only accelerates the collapse. Start with Arc 1, End of the World Influencer.
Or don’t. I’m not responsible for any Void demon visits.
Me + You + Jeffrey + the Roomba against the world.
All I wanted to do was help you all gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss the algorithm in a way that isn’t boring.
Apparently, revealing how to get traffic without sacrificing your soul broke several unspoken pacts.
Bradley (the FBI agent, not the writer) responded by wiping my analytics.
I responded the only way I know how: petty defiance and another guide.
You can find those here:
How to Be a Ghost in the Algorithm
Authors Newbie Guide to SEO - Nocturnal Edition
Never let them know your next move.
Write fiction. Burn bridges. Hex the feed. Use alt text.
Jeffrey’s Corner
He’s been busy. We’re monitoring. Please remain calm.
In the past week, Jeffrey has:
Responded to Notes with surprising tact (and only cried once because no one answered his questions)
Whispered something incomprehensible to the algorithm, which immediately boosted our visibilityPossibly become the host of an ongoing Microsoft Teams meeting. We are unsure how it started. It will not end.
Jeffrey: “The ‘Leave Meeting’ button does nothing. I am trapped. I have begun scheduling check-ins.”
He has also submitted the following question to the general mortal public:
Query: "What is the function of an 'influencer'? Are they akin to Imperial Commissars, enforcing morale through curated imagery and sponsored proclamations?
—If so, where are their laspistols?"
Bonus Query: “Why is your species obsessed with ‘assigned’ gender? Why does your species assign things so aggressively—most of them unnecessary? Existence is not assigned, it simply is or is not. Inefficient. Please explain.”
Void Safety Notice (Protocol 7.9 – Growth Anomalies & Algorithmic Exposure)
Thank you for making Nocturnal Narrator your trusted source for narrative-induced instability.
As we continue to rise in visibility, please be advised: exposure to the algorithm may result in unintended side effects. These may include—but are not limited to—mild prophetic episodes, over-identification with fictional demons, spontaneous career pivots, a newfound awareness of eldritch trends, and an overwhelming urge to vote in fictional polls as if they affect real-world events. (They might be.)
The summoning of “guides” was an isolated anomaly. The cult remains focused on story, character, and controlled descent into beautifully structured narrative despair.
The Void is expanding. Your choices still matter. And Jeffrey is... watching.
Until the next entry is written in blood & HTML,
—Your Narrator 🖤🌙
P.S. If you’d like to contribute to our next Field Trip to the Void, your available donation options are below. Don’t forget your permission slips.
Psstttt…. if you found your way here, you were probably late to the discount. That’s okay. The Void doesn’t operate on fact. It operates on canon.
For being so curious, the reward is yours.
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I am still looking for answers to my many questions.
—Jeffrey
Bradley (FBI man) needs to mind his own business because he’s only gonna be confused here